Miss Red Says

An account of an Newly Qualified Teacher's journey into teaching Design & Technology to high school students and what she does along the way to keep herself from going mad.

Anonymous asked: You are so fabby

Thanks Mum

Anonymous asked: How do you always manage to look so beautiful?

Human Sacrifice

Anonymous asked: You are fabulous

Hella fab B-)

Things that were said to me while Speed Dating

  • You look exactly like my little sister
  • Where do you live? (I state my town) No, I mean which street?
  • I bet you and my mum would get on
  • You’re too young to be a teacher
  • YOU do woodwork?!
  • Ok so what wood is this table made out of then?
  • How come you’re the only one here who is drinking? (I’ve had two drinks and everyone else is driving you judgemental shit)
  • You’re stuck up. You know there is no point in you being here.
  • So you did the simple version of my degree (from an architect)
  • I like to go to Salsa dancing, you get to look at a lot of lovely women (stares intently)
  • You look really familiar, were you ever escorted out of the (local shopping centre) by security?

If this is what dating is like I am happy to be single forever.

Small Victories

Bad side of today: I had invited friends round to mine tomorrow to try and forget the intense feeling of loneliness since I started living by myself. Everyone canceled.

Good side of today: my hair looked kinda cute.

Been roped into speed dating with a friend.
Oh my Oh my.

Been roped into speed dating with a friend.
Oh my Oh my.

I will never not love London.

I will never not love London.

September 1st 2014

Today was a new start for me. The first day I have lived by myself, the first day I am officially unemployed, the first day where I woke up and had nothing ready for me. Today was the first day in my entire life where there wasn’t something. There has always been something. Work, school, college, university. There has always been a plan, a safety net. This is the first day I have ever faced where my future was uncertain and I didn’t have a handle on what my life was about.

Also, I got my period. Which sucks.

Today all my ex colleagues were back to school for an INSET day and I am both relieved and heartbroken I am not with them. I kept on telling myself that happiness is more important than job security, which is easy enough to say during the Summer when you’re meant  to be on your holidays, but today, when I should be at work, it’s hard to remember the many reasons I left the school, and hard to forget the many things I miss.

Today was the first day I knew he wouldn’t be walking back through the door. I have full access to the whole flat for the first time and it seems huge. I have no idea how I can fill it by myself. With things so uncertain at the moment I’m not sure I want to. I’d love to turn the alcove in the front room into a reading nook but what’s the point if I have to leave in October because I’ve run out of money and haven’t found any work.

The intention was always to devote today to job searching and contacting supply agencies but my lower back was so sore I could barely move. I wasted a day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer in bed trying not to move and topping up on pain killers more often than is strictly advised. It’s almost 11 pm and I am exhausted but the pain radiating from my back is keeping me up.

Paddy would have made me hot chocolate and given me Eevee to cuddle and tried to make me laugh then tell me off for laughing because it made my back hurt more.

“Don’t laugh you’ll die!”

He always said that.

An Upside of living alone; there is no one in my residence to snap in the middle of the night and murder me in my sleep.

A downside of living alone; if a maniac or supernatural entity hell-bent on destruction sneaks in I have no one to act as a distraction while I execute my escape plan.

On the plus side I’ve not really been able to eat today so hopefully that will help fuel my weight loss efforts. I am certain to have put on a mass during the summer. Comfort eating and not being able to use the kitchen because Paddy had custody of the front rooms meant my diet since July has mainly been ready made or snack based. I think now I’m feeding just myself I’m going to try get into bulk cooking and freezing leftovers again. Cooking has always been something I’ve enjoyed but I lost that over the last two months. As well as my interest in most things.

I’ll allow today for reflection. Tomorrow, the job hunts and sorting of life will begin.



Happy September 1st everyone!

Happy September 1st everyone!

I had a bookcase that was taller than I was and it was full to bursting. You left and took your belongings with you. What was left barely covered half a shelf. 

Maybe its a metaphor for our relationship. 

Anonymous asked: *hugs*

*doesn’t let go*

Today, my ex finally moved out. This is the first time I have ever lived in a place by myself.
The flat is empty. I feel emptier. I thought things were starting to get better.
My mum hasn’t returned my calls.
This place is too big.

I made cinnamon buns for the first time!

I made cinnamon buns for the first time!

There is an emptiness in my chest that alcohol cannot fill.
There is a heavyness where most people have hearts. There is space running through my veins.
Where once there was hope there is now a void.
I am disintegrating from the inside out and all I can do is await a breeze to scatter me.